Below are some questions that are often presented to me.

Q:  You indicate you are an Erotic Educator rather than an Adult Service Provider,  Please explain the difference. 

My definition of an Erotic Educator is someone who teaches, intends and empowers others to look at the concept of sexuality simply as sexual energy as life force.  As such sexual energy resides within each of us and is as important as breathing.  We need to feel it, subtly or raging, 24/7.  It needs to be running through our bodies constantly.   An Adult Service Provider, is someone who offers a menu of adult oriented services which revolve around current concepts of sexuality as “having sex.”  The end result is playful and brings about instant gratification, but there is generally a feeling of “is that all there is?” once the experience is over.  That being said,  there are many Adult Service Providers who are also Erotic Educators.   The Erotic Educator intends to teach; the Provider intends to perform a requested service.

Q:  Please explain to me the difference between your Tantra Touch and Sensual Awakening Experiences and  your Sensual Guidance and Intimacy Coaching Experiences.

A:  I know it appears to be confusing.  The Tantra Touch and Sensual Awakening Experiences focus on Sensual Blending,  a term I use to depict an experience that I facilitate and you receive.  Sensual Blending is a bodywork and energetic process designed by me which is an all-over experience that incorporates all of the Senses – touch, taste, sight, listening, smelling – as well as breath and relaxation into a slow crescendo.  It focuses on not only the turn on and high state of arousal as a part of the healing experience, but takes you into a state of bliss that is difficult to put into words.  It is a different experience in that both of us are nude and you experience touch from more of my skin than my fingers.  And you are also allowed to touch in return.  With Sensual Blending you feel orgasmic in your entire body and because it is an unhurried experience, this feeling extends and intensifies. Sensual Blending utilizes my training and certification as a  Sexological Bodyworker,  a structured and certified Erotic Bodywork modality that is legally recognized in California.  It also incorporates my training as a Tantra Touch practitioner derived from a variety of classwork and workshop experiences in which I have participated .   As in the Taoist and Tantra traditions,  keeping you in a high state of arousal without of,  or prior to,  release is very healing.

This experience also empowers you, the receiver,  to understand and utilize the natural way to overcome perceived performance issues.   While there is some interaction involved, the focus of a Sensual Blending Session is on you as the receiver.  If  you suffer from premature ejaculation or unreliable erection issues, chronic pelvic pain or abuse issues, you will most certainly find this experience very helpful in understanding the relationship between your body and your energy.

Sensual Guidance Sessions and Intimacy Coaching Experiences, on the other hand,  take you to the next level of  your personal awareness of self  in that you begin to utilize this awareness within your  presence as a participating partner.  These experiences are are offered to those who are confident in their ability to receive and be responsible for the outcome of their own experience.  However, they feel the desire to experience giving touch and tenderness to a partner and want to learn to be the giver.  These sessions involve putting into practice what has been learned about self into a partnering situation, with me being the partner.  They involve  learning the physical and energetic “geography” of their partner ;  learning to give and receive simultaneously;  concentrating on being present in the moment without expectation of outcome and demonstrating the true essence of intimacy using a variety of activities.  This experience has notta to do with “having sex”  or the penetrative activities therein.  They are designed, rather, to enhance your awareness of self and the other without being goal oriented or needing to be the source of the others pleasure.

Hope that helps 🙂

Q:  I  finally had the courage to schedule a session with you.  I am so nervous, some times I feel like I should cancel it.  What can I do to calm my nerves?

A:  First of all, please try to relax.  There is nothing to be nervous about. Let me tell you about the first several minutes of our session.   The first time we meet, I will welcome you into my home, offer you something to drink and invite you to sit with me in my living room so that we can chat a bit before the actual session.  There will be nothing for you to be nervous about. During our chat,  we will discuss everything that will happen as well as all the reasons you decided to schedule the session.  You will be treated with great respect and honor, feelings that come from my heart.

Prior to coming to the session, try to find a half hour or so to relax and breathe deeply. Perhaps a nice warm shower would help and then sit or lie down and close your eyes and allow your whole body to just let go.  Before you know it you will be anticipating with excitement rather than apprehension.  It is perfectly natural to be turned on as well as nervous.  Whatever you feel – allow it – don’t try to change it.

Q: I have suffered from sexual dysfunction most of my life.  I know you have said that you can help me and that I will see a difference after the first session.  How can this be?   I  don’t understand how you can address pre-mature ejaculation or erectile dysfunction (ED) issues in the first session when I have had the problem for so long.  Can you explain it further?

The term “sexual dysfunction” is not a term that I use readily.  It indicates that someone is flawed in some way – which is not at all true.  In the majority of those who suffer from supposed sexual dysfunction,  such as pre-mature ejaculation and erectile dysfunction,  there is a very simple misunderstanding of how our bodies work in relationship to breath and relaxation.  Women and men carry their repressions in different ways and for different reasons.  Setting yourself free from the term “dysfuction” is the first and most important step.

You will experience that orgasm and ejaculation are NOT the same thing.  You will experience  that orgasm is your life force energy and that ejaculation is actually just one possible response to orgasmic energy.  Orgasm is a beautifully choreographed dance between relaxation, breath and loving intent that helps your body and soul harmonize with your beloved.  It is easy to do actually,  because you will not be learning something new.  Rather you will be  “remembering” what you already know.  You were born to be multi-orgasmic.  You were meant to be “turned on” all the time to varying degrees. You will “remember” during the first session.

Q:  You have indicated that you seldom  honor requests for same day appointments, why is that? 

A.   As an Erotic Educator,  it is important to me for the individual or couple seeking my experiences to have researched and pondered the experience I offer.  Also there is the consideration that it takes time to plan and prepare to meet a visitor to Sacred Haven.  Creating a sacred space and a sacred attitude is not something that can be done on the spur of the moment.  My screening process is a three-step process involving initial inquiry and response, then another email requesting information about the seeker and a response,  then an agreed upon phone call to confirm the time and the day of our meeting, as well as provide an opportunity to chat with each other for a few minutes. I am very selective regarding the individuals or couples I invite to Sacred Haven; and as such I expect that those I invite have been very selective in choosing Sacred Haven and me.   That being said,  once I have established a relationship with one(s) who have previously visited,  should a time arise that I happen to be available on short notice, I am happy to receive a spontaneous visitor!

Q:  What if my meetings run over of my flight is delayed or there is traffic that causes me to be delayed? Or what if my travel plans change at the last minute and I have to cancel my time with you?

A:  As most of my visitors are professionals and a good many are from out of town,  I have a pretty flexible schedule.  I schedule a maximum of two appointments in any given day – late morning,  afternoon, or evening  time frames.   As a profession,  I expect the same courtesy that you would extend to your colleagues or loved ones when you need to change or cancel your appointment.  If you are running late or find yourself available a bit earlier than scheduled,  connect with me to see if my schedule is adjustable.  Most of the time it is.  So don’t panic.  If you must cancel because of a change in your  travel plans or for any other reason,  again,  be courteous enough to give me as much notice as possible.  I always have a plan B.  But if I have spent two hours getting ready for your visit and you call me 10 minutes before arrival or 10 minutes after you are expected – then I am apt to be a bit miffed.   On that same note,  I ALWAYS request that you call when you are leaving or 1 hour before your arrival  – which ever is shortest – to confirm that you are indeed on your way.  IF I don’t get that confirmation – I am apt to think you are not going to show.  So be aware that communication with me is of the utmost importance.  I can be flexible when you need me to be.

Q.  I am not gay; why do I have same sex fantasies?   What is wrong with me?

A:  Whether you were born into a male or female physicality,  it is very normal and very honoring to want to experience what it would be like to touch, taste, and be intimate with your own gender.  I am not one to label.  I think that most of us are to some degree,  what I call gender-neutral.   We all wonder what it would be like to make love with self.  Those who reach beyond the fantasy into an honoring same gender experience are not necessarily gay or even bi-sexual.

So allow yourself to fantasize and explore to your heart’s content.  Whatever you do, it is important to do so in honor, respect and loving intent.  To read an insightful article on this topic, click here.

Q:  Is it true that women ejaculate when they are highly aroused?

A:  Female ejaculation is a very misunderstood erotic phenomenon this is also very controversial.  Many experts in the field of human sexuality swear that it simply does not happen.  I am here to tell you however that it does.

All women have the capacity to ejaculate to some degree or another.  Female ejaculate is often called Amrita or Nectar of the Goddess.  It’s composition is very similar to the seminal fluid produced by her male counterpart without the swimmers.  There is no biological purpose for female ejaculation save an expression of deep and intimate letting go – sometimes with great joy and sometimes with deep sorrow.

For an informative article about female ejaculation,  click here

Q:  Is there something wrong with me?  I sometimes feel like being in a one-on-one relationship is like being trapped.  I want a loving relationship with the man of my dreams, but I also know that there are many others out there, both men and women, with whom I relate and want to continue my relationship with.  Does that make me a slut?  I have checked out the “lifestyle” or swinging community and don’t find that is a turn on.  It’s boring for me in fact.  I feel like maybe I want to have my cake and eat it too!!  Please help me.

A:  No, there is nothing wrong with you at all.  What you describe you are feeling is a very newly recognized relationship paradigm that is called “polyamory.”  In a nutshell it is about having more than one intimate relationship that may or may not be of a sexual nature.  The key ingredient is such a lifestyle is conducted with  honest authenticity between all who are involved to truly make it work.

There are a number of Poly support groups that can be searched on the internet.