by Suzie Heumann
Tantra Teacher creator of

Many people who experience deep ecstatic sexual states liken these to transcendental spiritual experiences. They discover that the distinctions between what is carnal and what is spiritual may not be as clear as they once thought. They may even feel that they have come to know God, or ultimate reality, through sex.

Very recent research indicates that about one third of you have had spontaneous and profound spiritual experiences that were distinctly sexual and sensual in nature. These experiences may not have originated from sexual activity but were completely infused with it, none-the-less. This opens up the possibility that sex infuses the entire natural world and is truly inseparable from your deepest nature. This is what the early Tantricas, or practitioners of Tantra, knew.

You may have been fortunate enough to experience moments in love where all boundaries dissolve and you become one with your beloved. Unfortunately these experiences are usually very short lived. Most of us have not been trained in the skills required to expand that fleeting moment into a sustainable state. Sex in Tantra aims to heighten and prolong the magical connection that develops between two people when they are lost in the ecstasy of love. That thin line that separates you from feeling ‘one’ with everything dissolves leaving you in the ‘bliss state’ you were originally born into.

Tantra’s roots go back many thousands of years and originally developed in India. Tantric practices were at their height between 500 and 1300 AD. The spiritual, sexual, and personal transformation components of Tantra included whole-body health, Ayurvedic medicine, astrology, ritual, divination, sexuality, spirituality, and other early sciences. It was and is today a living system that is designed to promote rapid growth towards personal enlightenment.

Though most of you won’t seek out a teacher or guru, practicing even the simplest of the Tantric techniques can bring a sense of greater communion with your partner, your sexual nature, and, ultimately, with your soul. You become expansive because your spirit opens up when you become engage in more trusting sexual practices that involve communication, the spirit of playfulness, and being open to discovery.

Most of you know very little about your own bodies and your potential for pleasure. Over time, and especially in long-term relationships, you tend to stop exploring and being inventive. When you can break out of those old patterns and learn new ways of being — physically, spiritually, and emotionally — you expand and open. Erotic explorers of the past found that by extending and expanding the peak of sexual ecstasy the act of love could become a natural vehicle for exploring altered states as well as for deepening intimacy between two loving partners.

Today in the Western world, there has been a renewal of interest in Tantric practices. Perhaps because our society is “maturing” or perhaps because of a widespread awakening of consciousness we seem to be gravitating towards the lessons in conscious intimacy that Tantra has to offer. What is most experiential is also most spiritual. In other words, when you allow yourself to be deeply moved by an experience by feeling it in your body and letting go of the ego’s need to control things, then you are having what mystics have called a spiritual experience.

In essence Tantric sex is a spiritual practice – like meditation or yoga. It is not so much aimed at self-indulgence or pleasure as an end in itself. Tantra uses pleasure and sexuality, with all of its rawness, social stigma, fear, vulnerability, and ignorance to crack open the ego so that you can be present with your lover, and ultimately, with your self. In fact, the experiences one has practicing Tantra can be seen as a metaphor for other aspects of your life and can give you “tools” for being more present and aware throughout your day.

One of the beauties of Tantra is that it is a partnered path of learning. In a sense, your partner is your teacher or guru. To trust another with your personal growth is the ultimate act of surrender. Surrender is where breakthroughs happen. If two people can do that for each other, taking conscious risks that gently stretch the limits of their comfort zones, they can realize great growth—both individually and as partners.

To risk the vulnerability of “doing it wrong”, not looking good, being stuck emotionally, facing your own shadows, and other life challenges, is to move closer to your own soul and to the power that resides in self-realization. If you discover, for example, a fear in intimacy and move towards it with courage and trust, not denying it or trying to hide from it, the benefits are great. In sex, you cannot hide from the truth. The feedback is immediate. If your body feels pleasure, it feels pleasure. If it feels numb, it feels numb, and you know it.

When beginning a spiritual/sexual practice that includes Tantra you may want to look at the time you allot for sex. Make more of it. The longer you can set aside for an evening of love the more you will fall into the realms of bliss. At least twice a month make time for a long evening of sensual intimacy and lovemaking.

There is a wealth of choice for adding practices to your lovemaking time.

Here are some suggestions:

  • Learn a few of the very easy breathing techniques that expand the orgasmic potential of sexuality
  • Spend just five minutes eye gazing with your lover before foreplay
  • Create a bathing ritual for you and your lover
  • Add an hour of sensual massage to your evening
  • Include a sexual massage at the end of the sensual massage
  • Commit to exploring three new positions each month – get creative
  • Learn where your G-spot is
  • Teach him to last much longer (he’ll love this – it can be really fun and you’ll get a lot more pleasure from lovemaking)
  • Stop the movement during sex – just hang out for a few minutes in the high state of arousal you are in – see what it feels like

Being well practiced at the art of sexual ecstasy and having entered the divine realms of ego dissolution allows for the veils and boundaries of separation to fall at our feet. We open again and again, each time allowing more in – friends, lovers, family, orgasms, nature, abundance, light, dark, and spirit. Nothing seems separate anymore, including our selves. At times we can even experience our own divinity – our own true nature. That is when transformation occurs.” – Suzie Heumann